How To Survive A Finster Family Function
by Acepilot6
Summary: No.40 in the Road series. A Finster family function can be a difficult thing to get through in one piece. Phil and Angelica have it down to an art. Please review!


**How To Survive a Finster Family Function  
**Acepilot

AN - No.40 in the Road series. Yes, it's back, I couldn't let it die yet. To **Piper - **yes, I guess this is the start of a fourth season. I'm in for the hard yards now...anyway, this is the first thing I've written since moving, so if it sucks, that's probably why. Sorry to everyone for disappearing for so long - I haven't been writing or online much. I'll try to be around more. Anyway - hope you enjoy! Please review.

Dedication - to All Grown Up. May it rest in peace. Please. Don't milk it dry.

Disclaimer - the characters in this fic are property of KlaskyCsupo Animation and Nickelodeon.

---

I trip into a stumble and land heavily against the bar, causing Angelica to snort into her wine. "Graceful."

"Blow it out your ear," I suggest, grabbing the glass of scotch in front of me and taking a rather large sip. "Thank you."

"You're welcome," she tells me, leaning back and looking out over the mass of people with me. "Gotta admit, I didn't expect to see you for another twenty minutes, at least."

I shrug. "There was a gap between the aunts and uncles. I saw an opening and I took it."

She nods. "Admirable technique."

"How'd you get out so quickly, anyway?" I ask. "I didn't see you even doing the circuit."

"Toilet break as soon as we got to the hall," she says. "Chuckie doesn't know I'm back yet - he's trapped in the top generation."

"May he rest in peace," I manage, solemnly, nodding my head in respect. "So, do you think we've got a new record?"

She looks over the collective of Finsters with a critical eye. "Might be a little short. I think Christmas two years ago might still be in front."

I shudder at the memory. "That was absolutely crazy. Remind me never to find myself in a room with that many people and sugar ever again.

We stand in silence for a minute.

"Do you think this makes us bad people?" I ask. "The whole not-talking-to-our-in-laws thing?"

She grins and fixes her hair. "It makes us human, DeVille."

"Yeah, but do you think Lil and Chuckie do this when you and Tommy take them to Pickles family things?"

"Nah, they're too polite."

I smile at that. "Why do humans have the urge not to associate with their spouses' family, though? I mean, we've gotta take the bad with the good, don't we?"

"Not if we can get away with the alternative."

"You know, I went to a Wantanabe family function once," I tell her.

She perks up. "What happened?"

I slump. "One of the worst nights of my life. It was while Kimi and I were in Japan a couple of years back - I couldn't understand a word anyone was saying. Do you know how difficult it is to make small talk with in-laws when you don't speak the same language?"

"I have enough trouble making small talk with this lot." She jerks her head to indicate the wedding guests.

"That's the trick, though. I mean, we've got practically every Finster from the Atlantic coast here. You can just say your hellos and move on and it'll practically take all night. It's the smaller dinners you're got to worry about."

"Ah, yes, the dreaded small dinners," she nods sagely in agreement. "Too few people to sit in the corner, too many people to simply mingle. A small dinner means a required, in depth conversation with someone you're not married to."

"Just horrible, really."

We both kind of sigh. We both know that we've reached the point of no return. Now we actually feel guilty. We've thought about what we're doing. It's really a fatal mistake. Once you think about the fact that you are - in one way or another - letting your spouse down, then you feel the tugs of guilt start at the back of your brain. It makes the hairs on the back of your neck stand on end. When you feel like you can shave your neck, then you know it's time to go and face the music.

But we're nothing if not professionals. When you've been doing this as a team for as long as we have, you generally get it fairly well down-pat.

Angelica immediately turns to the barman. "Right, sonny, we're going to need a white, a beer, a Blue Lagoon and - Phil, you want another scotch?"

I shake my head. "Wine, thanks."

"And a red. Clear?"

The barman shoots us a grin. "Right away, ma'am."

I raise an eyebrow and lean in to whisper to Angelica as the older man fills our order. "Have we run into this one before?"

"Roger and Marien's wedding," she informs me. "He mixed Kimi that Lady Killer and you had to carry her out to the car park."

I grin at that memory. "Oh, yeah, I remember now."

"Right, so have we got the tree worked out?" she asks.

"Timothy and Sarah got married, Sarah is Chaz's cousin's daughter."

"Good work," she says, handing me the red wine and the Blue Lagoon. "Got your game face on?"

I breathe deeply and wipe the emotion from my face before settling it into a carefully practiced smile - one I can hold all night without wearing out my jaw muscles. "Set."

"Nice one," she compliments me. "Rehearsed?"

"A little," I confess.

And then, without further preamble, we step back into the fray, back to our respective husband and wife.

I grin at Kimi as I hand her the cocktail. "How's it going, koi?"

She flashes me a dazzling smile. "Really well. Good to have you back though - if I had to deal with one more of these people on my own, I would have gone insane."

I smile. "Well, I'm ever happy to rescue you."

She rolls her eyes. "By the way, we've been invited to the New Years bash at Warren's this year. I told them -"

"Believe me, I'm looking forward to it already."

Later on the dance floor, Angelica catches my eye later and nods toward Warren. I nod back, a subtle, practiced code. It's good to know that there'll be back-up there, anyway.

"You know," Kimi says, catching our little exchange, "you and Angelica are going to have to share your little secret with Chuckie and me one day."

I raise a concerned eyebrow. "What little secret?"

She grins broadly. "How you survive our family. I can never make it through one of these things upright, personally. And the small dinners are even worse."

---

please review.


End file.
